


The Half Naked Truth

by southerndrawlinmypants



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Domestic Fluff, First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 08:13:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19058731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/southerndrawlinmypants/pseuds/southerndrawlinmypants
Summary: “Hello dear it’s me, if you are free this afternoon I have a special request of you.”“Hmm, sounds ominous.” Crowley teased. “I was wondering how long after Armageddon this would take. Go on then. Give me your best pick up line and I’m all yours.”“Oh, do behave.” Aziraphale blushed. “I have decided to do a spot of shopping and I was wondering if you would assist me.”





	The Half Naked Truth

**Author's Note:**

> I knew the Good Omens TV series would inspire me to write again. These lovesick fools are crying out for fics about mundane human experiences. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> (If anyone can help me figure out how to get a better format, I'm all ears).

Aziraphale was, to put it lightly, entirely too human. There was no use denying it now. The End of the World had popped that particular bubble…although Aziraphale had to admit, it hadn’t been that far from popping before. In the beginning, he had justified his actions in reports to upstairs by saying it was all for the greater good. It was beneficial, in the long run, to familiarise himself with the everyday lives of humans. Find out what makes them tick, so to speak. Every sushi roll taught him more about the importance of food, every gavotte danced a deeper understanding of the pursuit of entertainment, and every biography owned an insight into the biggest influencers in human society. However as time passed, Aziraphale found it harder to justify his actions, sometimes barely believing the reports himself. Sometimes, chocolate was just chocolate. He did love chocolate.

Aziraphale closed his book and placed it on the side table. He reached for the mug of cocoa he had long forgot about. It was still warm, because of course it was. It would be a shame to waste good cocoa. Especially with all the trouble they went through to get it sustainably and pay the workers a generous sum for their hard work. He was a firm believer in fair trade. It was a pity Adam had to set everything back to normal. The regrowth of the rainforests would have done wonders. Selfishly, Aziraphale had longed to experience them again as they once were, vibrant and teaming with life that humans these days would marvel at. He had had a particular fondness for a particular yellow bird no bigger than a walnut, whose song filled the air with a sweetness Aziraphale had only found in the rarest of boys choirs (most choirs were quite terrible, Aziraphale had long given up defending them to Crowley). Crowley. Ah. That reminded him. Aziraphale gave up on his book and dialled Crowley’s number. It rang for quite a while.

Click.

“Hello?”

“Hello dear it’s me, if you are free this afternoon I have a special request of you.”

“Hmm, sounds ominous.” Crowley teased. “I was wondering how long after Armageddon this would take. Go on then. Give me your best pick up line and I’m all yours.”  
“Oh, do behave.” Aziraphale blushed. “I have decided to do a spot of shopping and I was wondering if you would assist me.”

“You? Shopping? For something new? I thought your one set of clothes had a good few hundred years in them.”

“They do! I take very good care of my clothes.” 

“Then why…?”

Aziraphale huffed.

“I’m trying to…embrace humanity more. I know. I’m not going to pretend I haven’t been indulgent before, but that was then Crowley. Now…it’s different. I’m different. I never allowed myself to buy things so frivolously without some excuse to back me up.”

Crowley was silent for a moment.

“Apart from books.”

“Well yes but-“

“-and food.”

“Oh come on-“

“-and fancy pocket watches from Savile Row.”

“Oh enough of that you! I only have two.”

“One is enough.”

Aziraphale could hear Crowley smiling through the phone. His heart swelled with affection.

“Crowley dear, will you indulge me just this once?”

There was silence, then a short chuckle.

“Of course angel, I’ll pick you up.”

“Wonderful! Thank you!”

Aziraphale hung up the phone with a grin, excited for the day’s excursions. Any old excuse to spend time with the man really, he thought to himself. Although he did want new clothes. That was true. Aziraphale could of course miracle himself clothing of any style of his choosing, but there had never been any fun in that. He could also have done what he had been doing for centuries and found the best tailor money can buy and be measured for the perfect attire…but as he’d mentioned to Crowley things had changed. How human to set out on a Saturday afternoon in the stifling heat of a London summer, surrounded by hundreds of sweaty strangers getting angrier by the minute spending most of the day in queues to pay for mediocre items that will wear down in a month. How human. Aziraphale had decided to proudly experience all of what humanity had to offer.

His thoughts drifted to Crowley. His heart fluttered. After the body swapping incident (which had been thrilling, but oh so terrifying) they had become closer, more open with each other. They smiled a little wider, sat a little closer. They had been spending more time in each other’s company without making excuses for being there. Some weeks they spent every evening together, drinking and laughing long into the night. Aziraphale had even spent the night once, feeling he should acknowledge how sweet it had been for Crowley to offer him a place to stay when he thought his friend had nothing left. He could be frightfully sweet. Aziraphale thought of Crowley’s smile, his lips wide in genuine humour and affection. Aziraphale absentmindedly brought a finger to his lips in a daze, then quickly shook the thought away and coughed. Yes. His heart thudded and his mouth grew dry. Frightfully. 

Crowley had a soft spot for retail parks, or shopping malls as they were often called. So many people crammed into never ending lines of shops all selling the same things, limited seating, and long queues filled with angry restless people and screaming children.   
Today he was another victim of his own creation. 

“Now dear what about this one? Or this one?” 

Crowley reluctantly turned around. Aziraphale was holding up two identical light blue jumpers. 

“Lovely, angel. Get that one.”

“Crowley these are both very different I need your honest and deliberate attention.”

Crowley made special effort to show his eye roll at that, particularly impressive under his glasses if he did say so himself. He stuck his hands in his pockets and frowned in a dramatic fashion.

“We’ve been here for hours, angel. You want to know my honest and deliberate opinion? Just pick one and try it on before I discorporate myself down the escalator.”

“How rude of you. You’re my lift home.” Aziraphale sniffed and put the jumper in his left hand back on the rack.

Looks like identical jumper on the right was the winner. Crowley danced internally. The sooner they got this over with the sooner they could be on their way to his flat and open a nice red or two. Perhaps five, and Aziraphale would be open to staying the night again. Although he would never admit it, it had been nice to wake up and see his angelic face brewing a pot of tea for them both in the kitchen. Crowley had leaned against the kitchen door and watched him hum to himself as he poured. How domestic. A deep feeling of love and longing had reared it’s ugly repressed head that morning. Crowley had become so flustered that morning, when Aziraphale had hugged him goodbye he made an extra show of intimidation to his plants. Two spider plants had met their end due to a ‘lacklustre show of leafage’ lest they think he’d gone soft. 

Crowley was so lost in thought he barely registered he had followed Aziraphale to the changing rooms, and was now sitting with weary men surrounded by shopping bags who looked as if they’d rather be anywhere in the world but here. One of the men checked his phone, saw there was no signal, and grew even deeper into his misery. Crowley smiled cheekily to himself. Another one of his little successes. He should have gotten more recognition for that. The other demons were so far behind in their understanding of technology, they couldn’t comprehend how attached humans had gotten to their phones. If he’d been in charge, earth would have fallen a few millennia ago. There was a lot to be said about this fraternising with humans business he had embraced like no other demon. Earth was lucky it was him. Too bad they weren’t aware enough of the wheeling and dealings of heaven and hell to truly appreciate him. 

Crowley was brought out of his thoughts by a tap on the shoulder. He glared disdainfully down at a scrawny blonde boy in an oversized shirt. The boy coughed and took a step back.

“Sorry sir, your friend asked me to get you. He requires your assistance in dressing room six.”

A brief flash of Aziraphale half-dressed crossed his mind. His soft belly exposed, belt undone. 

“Alright then.” Crowley said to the boy, a bit too quickly.

Crowley stuck his hands in his pockets and power walked into the changing area to room six. He cleared his throat and knocked.

“Aziraphale? That you in there?”

There was a muffled noise and a gasp.

“Yes it’s me Crowley – get in here! I need you!”

Crowley’s eyebrows rose into his hairline and he laughed nervously.

“This is very sudden angel, I never thought you’d be so risqué in public. I’m flattered.”

“This is no time for nonsense!” Aziraphale barked. He then let out a sad sound. “Just get in here, please.”

Crowley cautiously opened the door and let himself in. He immediately erupted into laughter. Once he started, he could not stop. Aziraphale’s angry stare only increased the hilarity of the situation. His head and arms were stuck in the blue jumper from before, his elbows caught above his head and exposing his chest and stomach. 

“Stop laughing Crowley. I know you’re a demon but there is no need to be so cruel.”

Crowley forced himself to stop laughing, taking off his sunglasses to wipe his eyes. If he’d have been human, he’d have been in tears. He put his glasses in his pocket.

“Oh, sorry.” Said Crowley. “I needed a good laugh. Angel, you look ridiculous. Why didn’t you just miracle yourself free?”

Aziraphale huffed. 

“You know why! This whole experience was about embracing our human sides and that means no miracles.” Aziraphale blushed and turned his head away. “Humiliation and all.”

“Hmm.” 

Crowley hummed, letting his eyes wander down the angel’s soft, pale body, watching his chest rise and fall with his breathing. He looked up and met Aziraphale’s gaze. They both looked away quickly.

“Any excuse, angel. Fine I’ll help you – stand still.”

Crowley stood very close to Aziraphale and began tugging on the fabric, trying to get it over his head. It was a struggle, as his upper arms had stretched the fabric in such a way Crowley wondered if it hurt the angel.

“Angel, this is very clearly too small for you. How you managed to get it over your head is a miracle in itself.” 

Crowley gave the jumper another tug. It moved up Aziraphale’s arms a few inches. Progress.

“I know, I know.” Lamented Aziraphale. “Can’t blame a man for being hopeful.”

As Crowley tugged the jumper they found themselves shuffling towards the wall of the changing room. The coolness of the wall against his bare back sent a shiver up Aziraphale’s spine.

Crowley scoffed.

“Aziraphale, vanity is a part of the human experience you don’t want to embrace. Trust me. Pointless, squeezing yourself into something.” Another tug, and the jumper was almost free.

“Not so human,” Aziraphale chuckled. “Gabriel chastised me for my gut during that whole debacle.” 

Aziraphale patted his stomach sadly. “I really do need to get more into shape dear.”

Gabriel. Crowley felt his blood boil. He tugged the jumper a bit too violently and Aziraphale squeaked, losing his footing. Crowley instinctively caught him around the waist, steading him. Crowley sneered.

“Gabriel? Gabriel ‘let’s have a war because I’m up my own arse’ Gabriel? Fuck Gabriel!”

Aziraphale flushed, very aware of the demon’s slender fingers digging into his waist.

“Calm down my dear, you’re shouting. You’ll get us thrown out.”

Crowley rolled his eyes, then stiffened as the closeness of their corporeal forms dawned on him. His heart beat faster, and he forced himself to maintain eye contact with the angel. His eyes were wide and prying. The brightness was almost too much for him to bare. He stood firm.

“You’re free, angel.” Crowley gulped, cautiously tightening his grip on Aziraphale’s fleshly waist. 

“Yes, it appears so…” Aziraphale let his eyes drift between the demon’s lips and golden eyes, their intensity burning into him. His stomach was doing somersaults. 

“What I mean is, Gabriel shouldn’t matter to you anymore. To either of us. You are –“Crowley faltered, at a loss for words.

Beautiful? Handsome? Everything… 

He’d never been good with words, instead showing his affection through actions and shrugging it off like it was no big deal. Crowley battled with himself internally. Now was not the time for that. This wasn’t even about Gabriel. Or the jumper. 

Crowley shakily pulled Aziraphale closer, and rested his chin on his shoulder. Crowley felt Aziraphale hitch his breath, and damned himself for taking the leap at the wrong moment. If there ever would have been the right moment. Perhaps he had been caught up in post Armageddon bliss and had now managed to fuck everything up. Serves him right. Demons weren’t supposed to feel this kind of happiness.

Crowley felt Aziraphale’s arms around his waist. Aziraphale squeezed his waist and rested his head on his chest.

“Oh, Crowley.” Aziraphale sighed.

Crowley’s voice stuck in his throat. He placed a quick shy kiss on the angel’s forehead and held him tight. Aziraphale’s heart hummed at the sweet gesture.

“I know, dear.”

“…how?”

Aziraphale squeezed.

“I feel the same.”

They were silent for a moment, just holding each other. Crowley broke it.

“Just so we’re clear, so there are no misunderstandings, what do you feel?” Crowley asked cautiously.

Aziraphale felt a lump rise in his throat.

“Scared.” He confessed. “Scared. Excited. Loved.”

Aziraphale raised his head from Crowley’s chest to look directly into his eyes. His eyes. So open and afraid. Hopeful.

Slowly, Aziraphale took his arms away from Crowley’s waist and placed them on Crowley’s cheeks, framing his face. He slowly ran his thumbs against his cool cheekbones and sighed, his heart bursting with years of love, affection, and care. Aziraphale wet his lips and faintly chuckled.

“Love, Crowley.” Aziraphale pulled his face closer, whispering. “My dear, I have so much love for you.”

Crowley dove forward and took Aziraphale’s lips in his own, years of longing propelling him forward to press Aziraphale against the wall. For the first time, in perhaps all of time, Crowley felt free. Their lips parted as they clung to each other feverishly, embracing each other’s warmth and eons of unspoken words. Aziraphale kissed Crowley with unbridled passion, his heart beating hard in his chest as Crowley gently stroked his hair. Every smile, every bottle of wine, every act of kindness and affection was understood in that moment. 

There was a knock at the door.

They pulled themselves apart, gasping.

“Y-Yes?” Asked Aziraphale.

“Is ah…everything ok in there sirs?”

Crowley groaned. It was the boy from earlier. Aziraphale shushed him.

“Yes everything is quite alright! Just got a little bit stuck and required assistance! We’ll be out in a jiffy!” 

Crowley very much doubted the boy believed them, and judging from the suggestion that they not be long Aziraphale didn’t think he’d been very convincing either.  
Aziraphale reached for the discarded blue jumper that started it all and put it back on the hanger.

“Perhaps we should hurry up dear.”

Crowley nodded and fished his sunglasses out from his pocket.

“Alright then.” Crowley motioned to the jumper. “You getting it then?”

Aziraphale snorted and shook his head in disbelief.

“Oh come on now,” Crowley smiled, putting on his glasses. “It broke years of sexual tension, give it some love.”

Aziraphale turned away to put his shirt back on, but he could not hide his smile. Not from him. He felt Crowley press his warm body behind him, followed by a tender kiss to the neck. His heart fluttered.

“Drinks? My place?”

Aziraphale closed his eyes and leaned back, taking in the sensation of Crowley’s warm breath on his neck. He smiled.

“Sounds wonderful, dear.”


End file.
